The pusher

Pressure. Pushing down on me. 

Really? 

When I take a closer look at who or what is putting me under pressure, I realize that... it's actually me. There's no one else who demands such unrealistic things from me than me myself. Well, there are people who expect things from me, but the only person who decides a) whether or not to accept and fulfil these expectations, b) to what extent (of perfection) and c) to add extra tasks is ME. 

Moreover, what characterizes the expectations I have on myself is that firstly, they are vague, so it's never clear when they are fulfilled, and secondly, they are completely unrealistic. Who would expect you to face ALL your fears in just ONE day? Maybe I'll even write a book and climb the Mont Blanc in the same day if I get to it. 

The thing is: They feel like they come from the outside world, and they feel real. They're threatening and always imply some terrible outcome happening if I don't do X or fulfil condition Y. Nobody wants the sky to fall on our heads, so I'd better do what these if-then-wisdoms tell me. Of course, that way,I will never find out if this nightmare of the sky falling really does happen. But better not risk it. Better to be safe (and constantly worried about not having done every little thing) than sorry. 

The good thing is that if I'm the only one stressing myself out, then I'm the only one who can stop it. Or at least filter out what's important. This filter needs constant refinement, but it pays off: In the form of a more peaceful life, one that's lived instead of chased.